Friday, August 5, 2016

Let's Get Real....

In a couple more weeks, I expected to be writing a completely different version of this post.

But, alas, life doesn't always go as we plan.

On July 1st, I took a positive pregnancy test.

It was insanely exciting.  Since I took this test around 5:30 AM before Scott left for work, I forced myself to wait for a decent hour to start texting some close friends and family with our exciting news.

I called my doctor and found out that she no longer delivers, so I needed to find a new doctor for my pregnancy.  I did this, and my first appointment was scheduled for August 2nd.  Meanwhile, I began going through some normal pregnancy symptoms: tender breasts, fatigue, some food aversions, but thankfully, no morning sickness!  I downloaded a couple of pregnancy apps and started snapping pics to document that I wasn't yet LOOKING pregnant!

Scott and I went to my first appointment on the 2nd (at 9 weeks, 4 days) and all things went well.  They have a hand-held Sonogram device and the PA was having a hard time finding anything.  She said my uterus was tilted and that the device is not really reliable in those instances, and I was set up for an internal ultrasound the next day.

On Wednesday, August 3rd, following the internal sonogram, we were told that my pregnancy was ectopic.  I had to go right away to have blood work done to check my pregnancy levels.  This would determine if I could take a medication to dissolve the pregnancy or if I would need to have surgery to remove it.  The cut off for taking the medication is a level of 5,000.  I was at 12,000.  So yesterday, August 4th, I had a laparoscopic procedure to remove my pregnancy.  As I write this post to go live.  I am sitting in bed, sore and still a little shocked.  I mean, yesterday, I was pregnant.  Today, I'm  not.

Part of me is angry because I don't think that my pregnancy actually progressed much past the first couple of weeks.  I experienced NO pain or spotting that is normally associated with an ectopic pregnancy.  I had no idea that anything was or could be wrong!  If I had already had a "history" or maybe if I hadn't had to change doctors, I could have had an earlier appointment to confirm my pregnancy, and I could have possibly avoided surgery altogether!

The good news is that things are hopeful for when we are able to try again.  The doctor said that most women have a correct implantation (i.e. in their uterus) following an ectopic pregnancy.  I've heard already of two people who had ectopic pregnancies or miscarriages who had twins in their next pregnancy.  Fertility is increased after a pregnancy, and in truth, we only began trying in March, so we are already in good shape there.

I was pretty devastated on Wednesday and most of Thursday.  I had never had any type of surgical procedure before yesterday, and I don't think that really helped my state of mind either.  But today, I am at peace.

From my Pinterest board: "Great Quotes"
Why am I sharing this?  I actually considered not.  I never made an official Facebook announcement so that acquaintances or others outside of our nearest and dearest would know.  But it's been on my mind today, and I wanted to have a place where I documented this "bump in the road" (as Scott calls it).  I think it's important to keep things real here, too.  Not everything is sunshine and roses, but I am hopeful for the future.


Suzanne said...

There is great maturity in being able to share honestly and in being vulnerable. By sharing you are opening dialogue in which you may be able to eventually help others heal. I am honored to know you.

Jen said...

I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope you have a happier outcome really soon. A lovely friend of mine had an ectopic pregnancy in between IVF cycles and later conceived naturally and has a healthy baby boy now. I hope you recover well and quickly - sending you lots of love xx

Kristin said...

I think you're really brave to share this. I don't know that I could.
However, I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I won't swamp you with platitudes, but I think keeping verses like that one up there close by is really helpful. I rely on Jeremiah 29:11 a lot.
Thoughts, prayers, and hugs!

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